You Can’t Beat A Good Wedding
Not having attended that many weddings (it didn’t seem to happen much within my cultural mix) I always seem to remember the dancing and secret courtships that took place.
I bet ‘Match.com’ was invented from a wedding by someone sat in a corner just ‘people watching’.
I loved seeing kids standing excitedly eating sticks of celery, with there mums saying ‘you never eat that stuff at home’ to which the kids grab a pile of doughnuts and run into the bar area at break neck speed.
The dance floor forever became a mystery to me as it seemed to be coated with an invisible force field that no one dared step on until christianed by the bride and groom. I’d watch mesmerised as they balanced on the ridged golden edge of the dance floor with two drinks in their hands, arching their backs(like an untrained tight rope walker), you could sense the relief when they got near the other side, only to be toppled by the kids with doughnuts as they stepped onto the carpet. All hell would break loose as the tight rope walker proceeds to give them an earful, only the music is so loud that the kids just smile and run under the table cloth and into the courtyard.
One thing that always amazed me about these weddings was that the food was plentiful, it never ran out, even the food lurkers with their special food stashing techniques i.e. holding 4 sausage rolls, 2 hot dogs and a pizza behind their back or holding an empty plate with a tissue or napkin draped around their wrist whilst holding 2 chicken kebab sticks, 2 ham sandwiches and a tomato under the plate, even after all this and the doughnut kids rampant annihilation of anything that looked like grub, they couldn’t make all the food disappear, which from the confused looks on their faces was a slight disappointment to them (I’m sure we have all seen a food lurker, they leave a tiny morsel of each food product in your house, but you never see them do it), at these weddings the only one that saw the food lurkers was the ‘Match.com’ and so a subliminal war started between the lurkers and the ‘Match.coms’ forcing the lurkers to be ever more secretive with their wedding eating habits.
I never did get to the bottom of how they came to have so much food, maybe they’d had the same experience as myself and noted the habits of the two main food shovellers and ordered triple the amount to compensate or maybe, just maybe, the lurkers and doughnut kids are not the guilty parties, maybe the wedding guests just didn’t like the food…dun…dun…dah.
All in all the dancing(a strange mix hokey cokey, tweety song, YMCA dancing is enough to get even the masonic smile to rise), secret courtships, ‘Match.coms’, Doughnut kids, wobbly tight rope walkers and food lurkers have made the weddings I attended a blast and you know what?….I wouldn’t have it any other way.